Grief, or coping, or what other word they can come up with for the whole healing process when you have dealt with some kind of loss, varies from person to person.
One way I handled it was by getting very busy. Well, let’s face it, I’m busy as it is but I’ll find a lot of the “to do” lists that I have long written and start focusing on them. I’ll try to regain some sense of control in my out of control situation by focusing on what I can control. I’ve even been known to go into declutter frenzy mode and just get rid of and get rid of more and more.
There is an article about not believing everything you see posted on Facebook. (I spent the last half hour trying to find the article but not having any success but when I do I will update.) I would say that the woman was spot-on. We share our daily life, our children’s hearts and smiles, we share the accomplishments of our day but we will neglect to share our shattered hearts that we have begun to piece back together. People assume you are doing well. They will believe that you have moved on or manage to be one of those that just lets everything roll of your own shoulders. Why shouldn’t they assume that? We have given that impression so we feel safe. They can’t win either it seems like. They will possibly push wanting to know “if we really are ok” and for some they may be but for other hurting people they will ask and accept the any answer given so that they will not nag.
Probably one of the most innocent responses that cut me to the core when dealing with my own piecing back together again after my son Stephen suffered major 3rd degree electrical burns was “You guys just don’t let anything phase you do you?”
Oh, how very very very wrong she was. It comes back to me every time similar responses are made on my Facebook photos after trying to cope with a very trying day, or dealing with the pain of loosing a brother-in-love to cancer, the loss of my two babies, and other events in life. No one is left unscarred by tragic events. We may not need a constant daily reminder of what we have lost, but we don’t need to be forgotten either.
The power of “I’m thinking of you today” leaves so much said in so few words. We will open up when we’re ready… like a rose waiting to bloom.
For those of you trying to piece life back together. Don’t be afraid to take that first step towards seeking others. Have you ever seen a really packed bottle of soda? It’s packed and in extreme temperatures (heat or ice) it expands and explodes. We need to make sure to take our cap off so we don’t do that. If we pour more and more into ourselves and not out pour we will not be able to heal. It may not be today that you can take that first step. It may not even be next week or next month but it is like walking on glass, you take your first cautious step to an area where you feel safe and once it has been tested then you begin to walk around the glass gathering it all up carefully so you can piece it back together again. It does you more harm to keep it all to yourself. If you are like me, you don’t want to be considered someone who is always negative in life but life isn’t always roses either. It truly is ok not to be ok. And it is ok to reach out for a trusted someone to talk too.
Now, to take my own piece of advice…