Obviously this is more a post for the ladies than the men but I think men, especially husbands will be able to benefit from this and support and encourage their wives as well.
Here goes;
This will be a hard post to write about. Why? Well for one thing I hate writting about touchy subjects or something so personal as breastfeeding. But with all the grief I have been getting about voicing my opinions on the subject I finally decided to use my freedom of speech right and blog what I have been wanting to say aloud forever. For those of you who know me personally, know that what I usually want to say in my head never comes out right in words. For another reason, I know I am not the only one out there that has felt like a looser because people have mentioned the lengths they went to breastfeed. So what should we do? Pat them on the back, say, Well done. Then move on. They DID do good, but what they did is not necessarily meant for anyone and everyone.
When Euphemia was born I had a horrible time trying to nurse. At first we thought I wasn’t holding her right… but after reviewing many pictures of the first day of life I can see that I was holding her right (maybe not getting her mouth wide enough opened) but that was not the issue.
I have always had breast problems to one degree or another. I can NEVER take cold showers. I need it as hot as I can stand. Usually when I am done the whole air is this thick fog, even in the summer. My hubby, likes hot water too but even he says, “Challice! Ouch!” Swimming has always been one of my favorite “sports”, if you will. But I have a hard time getting in and out. It just hurts!
So when Emma was born I knew that there would probably be some issues. But I was not prepared for the lengths I would go in order to breastfeed. Tears, Sweat (in Oct.) hand expressing, pumping, more tears, and just sheer pain. I have never enjoyed the thought of nursing. And I didn’t really enjoy nursing. But I knew that it was healthy and good for my baby and lets face it, I have to do a lot of things I just don’t like, one more thing won’t kill me.
Finally one side healed up fine. But the other side I spent 5 months pumping. I pumped every 3-4 hours just to be sure the milk supply would stay… although I needn’t have worried, I was pumping about 4-5oz everytime I pumped and Emma was only needing 2-3oz each feeding and that was on the other size. I went back and forth from nursing to bottle feeding (from the pumped milk). I did the nipple shield, I did every nipple cream anyone could recommend, including yogurt (in case it was a yeast infection). I did cloth pads, I did disposable pads. Finally after 5 months it healed enough to nurse her off of. I could do both sides now… but then I found out i was pregnant. I was able to keep the nursing up for about another month then the milk supply was pretty much gone and I had become so tender that I said, “Your done”.
I will not do the lengths I did with Emma with #2 muffin. With 2 children there is no way I will. I will give nursing about 2 months and if everything is running smoothly, WONDERFUL! if not, bottles are just fine. Emma managed to survive just fine and dandy with them. She is one healthy baby.
I am already getting some grief about my decision. I decided to mention it to a few people now because I knew that when I am nursing I could be bullied (for lack of a better word) about my decision and then being so emotionally and physically exhausted who knows what I would do. Let em warm up to the idea. But why am I getting grief? The main point is to get the child fed. We will being doing raw goats milk (next best thing to breastmilk) and I have a younger sister that had to be fed like that and she is the rosiest, brightest little thing you have ever known. Goats milk won’t kill em.
We all show love for our children one way or another. Some by going to extreme and amazing lengths to breastfeed. WAY TA GO ladies. I on the other-hand will not. I would not feel comfortable telling my child,
“Honey, I loved you so much that I would cry just knowing you wanted to nurse. I looked forward to the times I could just hold you. I hated nursing you but I knew it would be so healthy for you. I went through sweat and tears to nurse you. Can’t you feel my love?”
I would so much rather say,
“Honey, you know how much I love you. I knew you needed food so we fed froma bottle. I looked forward to the times I could just cuddle with you as you sucked from the bottle. Sure I had to get up 5 minutes before feeding time during the night so you could have some warm milk but I was then all the more awake to just see you dreamily suck away. It was such a special and wonderful time”.
We all have reasons for what we do. Perhaps I am being selfish in my reasons for bottle over breastfeeding. I know that children really don’t scar that easily… but why should she think that Mommy cries so much over this new baby? Children may not scar easily but they are bright cookies.
So, if you get grief over your decision to bottle feed over breastfeed just remember, the baby needs food. Get it in them. Sure you can research the best way to get it in them (we won’t be doing formula, whole nother topic right there), whether its formula, goats milk, donated breast-milk, whatever. Get the child fed. There are many support groups for the mother’s that go to all lengths to breastfeed. But we also need support. From our husbands, from our family and friends, knowing that we did what we could. We don’t need grief on how we failed. God created each one of us uniquely, where did He the Creator make a mistake? Thank God for your child, thank God for the woman that can breastfeed, feel happy for them, but don’t beat yourself against a brick wall for not being the “greatest mom”. Breastfeeding does not make you upper-class mom.
Life with the Sodbusters 
Hey a Mama’s gotta do what a Mama’s gotta do! Hoping things go better for you…if not it’s so nice you have access to goat’s milk!
I totally understand what you are saying! My husband has actually told me not to try breastfeeding anymore, because he knows the stress and grief and tears it causes me, plus I do not make enough milk. I too, know the grief that other people can give. So kudos to you for making a plan and a decision. Just remember that you are doing what is best for YOU and YOUR baby and what your hubby desires.
Myrtle–mom of 8
Prepare yourself for a book here if you don’t mind 😉
You are a very wise woman Challice 🙂 I had a very similar story with my first born. I struggled and cried SO much, and so did my son. I barely made it to 4 months (I think I made it 6-8 weeks with no bottle, and for the last month or two, he was getting bottles every other time – I felt like I was giving my baby illegal drugs and had to feed him in hiding). Turns out he popped out some teeth right after that, so he was teething. By the time that happened, my milk was gone, and frankly he wasn’t interested anymore. I then went through the emotions of guilt for YEARS. I’m not kidding. You are coming to a place that it took me TOO long to get to.
Then my second son was born. Like you, I was going to try nursing again, but like another commenter said, my husband told me if I started going through the same emotions that I had with my first, he didn’t want me to do it. Funny thing was, with this son I had PPD, so you’d think the emotions would have been crazy about it. My emotions were indeed crazy, but not over BFing. Honestly, as far as BFing this son, I can’t remember a thing – I was so out of it, that I didn’t even have the emotions attached to BFing, and next thing you know he was 6 months, and he never had the problems my first son had! I then went on Zoloft (many people can get on you about that too *sigh* ), and turns out I could continue to BF, but by the time he was 9 months old, I became pregnant, and just like you, the milk dried up. The guilt came again.
Then my daughter was born. She BFd with no problems. I started feeling proud about it (SIN), and decided that I would BF her for a long time. Looking back, I think I wanted to put a blinkie on my blog or something – not sure, but I was proud and haughty about it. Guess what? One week to the day of her 1st birthday, she nursed for the last time. She got mad and pushed me away. NO! NO! This wasn’t MY plan! I tried *in vain* to get her to BF for several weeks after, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Boy am I glad she put me in my place!
I was wrong to be so proud about it. It had become all about me, and not about feeding my children. My first born is a healthy boy. Because of the era I was born in (boy that makes me sound ancient!), my mom didn’t BF – it was an icky thing for a woman to do – especially a liberated woman! But my mom turned her views around and BFd my brother and sister. Guess what? I’m healthier than them.
I think you would agree, as do I, that BFing is best, I plan on BFing our new blessing – how long? No one’s business – I stopped talking about it (except for right now 😉 ) long ago! When women get so proud about it, where it like a badge, and condemn those of us that have a hard time with it, or can’t do it for X number of months/years, that is very wrong.
You are right, its about feeding your baby – its about not letting feeding your baby become such an emotional train wreck that it upsets your entire home. I have friends who won’t go out to dinner at the request of their husband’s because *gasp* “MY baby can’t have a bottle!” Well, YOUR husband wants his woman – I think that comes before BFing!
Anyway, hope you can see that I agree with you and think you’re wise – sorry for the book 😉
Jen 🙂
Any amount of breastmilk that a child gets is beneficial. So even if you do give it a few months and decide it is not working out, those two months will have given your baby so much.
I think it is great that you are going to try again. And perhaps you will be lucky and find that it is easier the second time around. Arm yourself with support and good information (www.kellymom.com is a great source and there are message boards there too if you need to ask questions) and you’ll have a good chance of succeeding.
I had lots of trouble nursing my first child, but no difficulty at all with the second. She is now 15 months and the only problem I’ve had at all was one plugged duct.
With my first, he had tongue tie and didn’t latch on for the first 8 weeks (so I pumped), we went through cracked nipples, thrush, mastitis. I always had sensitive nipples if not downright sore. He was a demanding nurser and nursed constantly at night.
The two children are night and day and so are my nursing experiences with them. Hopefully you will have the same luck!
AMEN!!! I agree with you 100%!
Barb in WV
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Your a good mama! And your right the point is feed the baby!
I agree 100%. I got so much flack for giving Nathan a bottle. However not one of those people offered to come over and watch him while he screamed his head off because he was hungry and momma was crying becausing it was not working. I gave in and gave him a bottle (gasp iwth formula non the less). What a happy baby he was and a happy momma I was! I nursed him 2 times a day and the rest was formula. When he was 6 months old he started bitting me with his 4 teeth and I said…ALL DONE!!!
You are a great momma Challice! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel bad.
Marci AKA faithfulone from the Shed
Challice you have no idea how glad I am to see you write this. I know the struggles you went through and I agonized for you. You are such a good Mommy to Emma and will be also to the new baby. You do what feels right to you and don’t listen to anybody who tries to tell you differently.
I hear ya, Sister!
I believe I’ve shared the issues I had with Alyssa – I just didn’t produce. Even when they weighed her after a feeding – she didn’t gain any weight! I read about “relactation” when she was about 3 months old (she had been bottle fed for 2 1/2 months already) and I tried and tried to bring my milk in. I pumped around the clock. She would latch on for about 30 seconds and then pull off and scream. Because there was about 30 seconds worth of milk – I never pumped more than 1/2 an ounce. At that time, I suddenly found myself plunged into PPD and I honestly believe the nursing issue was the main culprit!
I had all the comments made, was told off by a LLL leader about how I just hadn’t “tried hard enough” and I was so traumatized by guilt that when I learned FOUR YEARS LATER that about 30% of women with PCOS are unable to produce breastmilk, I cried and cried. For all those years, I had felt like I failed Alyssa! Like if I had just tried hard enough, it would have worked out. Today, that line about “All women can breastfeed” makes me LIVID! It’s a LIE!
Anyway, all of that to say – I agree with you 100%. (Like that surprises you! LOL) If I am blessed with another child, I will again try to BF – I have medication that *should* reverse the lack of milk issue – however, if I again find myself 3 weeks out and not producing anything, I will bottlefeed WITHOUT THE GUILT! I have a healthy, happy almost 7 year old now who never had an ear infection and has rarely been sick to show for my previous “failure”. 🙂
I know how you feel, Challice. I went through agony trying to bf my first 2, and ended up giving up with both. I felt like a second class mom, but I realize now that it was mostly myself who did that. I wanted my dear friends to tell me formula was just as good, I cared too much about what they thought. I just couldn’t let it go. I wanted people to tell me I was making the right decision. I was forcing them into a position they shouldn’t have had in my life, and they weren’t judging me as much as I was judging myself. Give yourself the freedom that comes with a clear conscience before God….and don’t worry whether the ‘approval of men’ comes with it.
I was able to successfully bf babies #3 and 4, and I considered that was a huge blessing from God! Now I find myself in the unique position of being able to encourage both. 🙂
It’s a shame that we live in a society that makes us feel that breastfeeding is something that shouldn’t be talked about, or is something that “just isn’t natural”……OR that we’re a failure in some way when we put them on a bottle.
The one thing we moms are good at, is knowing what’s best for our kids. I breastfed my 3 for a few months and then put them on a bottle. Not because I didn’t like to breastfeed, I just couldn’t do any more. But what I gave them in those first few weeks was the most important thing I could give them. My kids are healthy and happy.
I don’t know you, but I think you’re doing just fine and I truly hope you never let anyone convince you otherwise.
Thanks for sharing this with us, and I love your blog! 🙂
Great mothers are the ones who put their children first. Sounds like you are a great mother 🙂
Ironic I had the exact opposite dilemma. My mother never breastfed us children and subsequently neither of my parents believed in it’s benefits and we’re rather harsh that I choose to. Believing you could pass on negative problems to the child they told me. Despite trying, it didn’t last long as I hane inverted nipples which cause it to be difficult for the child to latch. I tried pumping, and all sorts of ideas and was never very successful. I actually developed mastitus with both my children. OUCH!!!!
I applaude you for making your decision…. your children will definately be none the worse and you should hold your head high that you are confident enough to admit your faults and strong enough to uphold your beliefs.
Good for you Challice! You do what you and David think is best for your children.